Monday, January 05, 2009

Santa Clause Diaries Part II

The first part is here


Somewhere ( ...a secret place ;) ) in the North Pole.

Oh man...there's nothing like a warm bubble bath to relax oneself after some hard work, and to get this frozen arctic air out of your hair. It's been pretty hectic I tell ya, this delivering toys business. Whew, luckily i do this once a year.

Things got off to a good start this time around. I had the good sense to keep Rudy in isolation for a coupla days, so that he won't be able sneak any drinks. Oh don't give me that look. Do you know how hard it is to steer a sleigh with a drunken Reindeer in the lead? Huh? Ok I did let him loose after we got back, haven't seen him for days now. Bugger is probably having a rockin good time somewhere warm.

It's getting bloody tiresome and dangerous to fly these days, what with all the military crack downs and all those no fly zones. Humans are getting pretty advanced when it comes to technology. All those spy satellites floating in space. They can now even track magical sleighs. Can you believe that. Me thinks its time to get some magical upgrades. There I was riding merrily with a Ho Ho Ho, when out of nowhere these two fighter jets come right at me. Nearly tipped the sleigh over. Didn't even get a chance to balance off before they started shooting at me. Damn cheek of them, and to think I gave them present long ago. Probably gave them toy planes for all I know. Managed to make myself invisible just in time. Created a nice little blizzard for them to deal with Ho Ho Ho. Oh man, that was a close one. Left a huge lump of coal in GWB's stocking. Cry away Georgie, you aint getting nothing from me after that little stunt.

You know... come to think of it, I left more lumps of coal than i left toys. The naughty list is longer by several pages than the nice list. If this keeps up, I might just become a coal deliverer. Ho Ho Ho. Ok seriously kids, be nice. Your screwing with my job here. Kids these days. Don't know what's happening with them.

Oh, one thing I’d like to put straight here. I DO NOT CLIMB DOWN CHIMMINEYS. Who the heck had that bright idea? "let’s make Santa come down a chimney” Oh genius. I mean why would anyone want to come down chimneys when there are perfectly good doors around. Anyway, you don’t really expect me to fit inside a chimney do you? Half the people never even keep them clean. I’d be covered in soot if I go up and down those. I can just imagine the complaints from the laundry department. And what about the houses that don’t have chimney’s? hmmmm? Anyone think about that? Going down chimney’s…Bah… In truth I just walk through walls. I am magical after all. It beats opening and closing doors.

Anywhoo, the new year has come and gone, with no major change in the world. It's still a shitty place. ok ok I admit, there are many good things, but the shit take centerstage all the time. A few bad apples really does upset the whole bloody cart. When will these humans ever learn and change. *sigh*

Bah, time to start packing, I'm off to the Bahamas for some chill time, another 11 months of chill time. Who knows, the way things are going I might not need to get back on the saddle in '09. Adios to all.


Jerry said...

Coal is expensive, sometimes more so than toys these days...

Lady divine said...

lol... ever considered outsourcing some of the activities??
This comes from a very marketing oriented perspective..;)


Azrael said...

Jerry - Oh yes, coal is expensive no? Maybe he should substitute with Reindeer poo or something

LD - Oh he already outsources the toy making business (chk part 1). He only does the delivery part now. :D

Anonymous said...

I need a Riddle ASAP! i know this sounds extreamly werid but i need a riddle. Dont ask why just give me something!! thanks!

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