Story Baton Part 04

This is the 4th part of the story baton started by Yo of LaneTop. You can find parts 1 to 3 on the following blogs.

Part 01
Part 02
Part 03

Here is the continuation of that...
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Nothing but darkness surrounded her as she walked towards the dim light at the end of the hallway, her bare feet pricked by the icy floor. The crying of the child, faint at first, was getting louder with each step. The door was open, it was always open and she dreaded the thought of looking into that room. The crying was much louder now. The room was bare except for the cradle in the middle of it, and she could see the moving form inside. As she walked towards it she knew she had no choice but to look at it. Her head began to ache as thoughts of pain, guilt and fear raced through her brain while the child looked at her with red eyes and bloody tears running down its cheeks…

Keshini woke up in a sweat. The alarm clock on the side table flashed three o’clock in red digits which reminded her of the child’s eyes. She quickly turned it around. There had been many sleepless nights for the past six months, always the same dream, no the same nightmare, every night. Sometimes it wasn’t that bad and she doesn’t wake up, but more than not she always woke up with a dreadful feeling inside her. She looked out the window and saw it was snowing. A blanket of white smothering the earth. What she couldn’t bear most was the deathly silence. A wave of loneliness swept over her and she longed for somebody to hold, caress her and tell her that everything is going to be alright. America maybe the land of opportunity and dreams but it was also a land of loneliness. People here just didn’t care enough about others.

Fate is a funny thing, she wondered. How happy she had been at the beginning, when Shan was with her. All the good times they had and how much in love they were. They were inseparable. She didn’t know loneliness back then. However fate decided to play games with them. It has a perverted sense of humor and humans are its little puppets, dancing for its entertainment. Unfortunate circumstances forced Shan to go back to Sri Lanka. Before he left they promised to be true to each other and continue the relationship long distance. He gave his word that he’ll come back for her, marry her and build a happy life together. No matter how carefully you plan things, sometimes things just happen to change those plans. Separation made her depressed and lonely and she wanted someone to talk to. That was where Damien came in. Although Shan and Damien were best of friends, they were the exact opposites of each other. Where Shan was caring and thoughtful, Damien was selfish and arrogant, who only cared about himself. Of course Keshini didn’t know this at the time. The other thing Damien was good at was not showing his true self. He was a charmer alright and Keshini fell deep into it like an Ant in a honey pot. At first he was just there to listen to her ramblings, but things got serious pretty soon. It was very hard to say no to Damien. He’d charmed you in a way that you will agree to murder your family without knowing that you had. How she wished she had known better. It had all been a farce. He never cared about her.

She remembered how scared she had been when she found out that she was pregnant and how she thought that Damien would be there for her. His reaction was nothing what she had ever expected. He had actually laughed at her and said that he wanted nothing to do with her. Those cruel words still ring in her ears. She felt like her whole world was crashing all around her and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She couldn’t even remember how or when she got back to her apartment again after that. All she could remember was Damien laughing at her. For days she was holed up in her tiny apartment crying for hours, contemplating what to do next. No matter how long she thought only one answer came to her mind, suicide. The bottle of sleeping pills she had bought earlier stared at her from the side table, daring her to take that step. The radio was playing in the background tuned onto some crappy station. Finally she took the bottle and started to unscrew the cap…

It was the song that saved her. The crappy radio station decided that very moment to play that song. Maybe fate wasn’t that cruel after all. “Dreams” by the Cranberries. It was their song, hers and Shan’s. Both of them loved that song and used to listen to cuddled up in front of the fire. All those fond memories came rushing back to her and she knew that killing herself is not going to solve anything. She thought about her parents, how much they loved her and the pain they’d feel if they lost her. No she is not going to put them through it. This is all her mess and she will deal with it her way. That moment she decided that she will not let this get her down and to rise above all adversity and make her dreams come true. She is not going to let all that she worked so hard for go to waste. But before all that she had to make one more painful decision. It was the hardest decision she’d ever make and took a lot of soul searching. Having the baby was not an option.

Are you still a hypocrite even if the situation is out of your control? She wondered. After all wasn’t she a pro-life advocate? even though she wasn’t deeply involved in politics or movements. Going through with it was going against all what she believed in, but the alternative was also equally terrifying. She knew she’d never be able to raise a child by herself. She was still a student without a proper job, relying on her parent’s hard earned money for it. And her parents…It would break their hearts if they found out. They were people of traditional values and something like this would have devastating effects. They won’t kick her and the baby out or anything dramatic like that, but she knew that she won’t ever be able to face them again. She still can’t get over the guilt of her decision and the dreams were a constant reminder of that. It is something that she’ll have to carry on to her grave, a price she must pay.

Only now does she realize the pain that Shan must have felt when he found out about her and Damien. He is a wonderful man who did not deserve what she had done to him. A part of her believes that all of what happened to her is god’s way of punishing her for the heartbreak she caused Shan. Keshini does not expect Shan to take her back, but she wants more than anything else to look into his eyes and say that she is sorry. Sorry for all the things she did; sorry for breaking his trust and most of all sorry for all the hurt she caused him. More than anything she needs him to forgive her, maybe then she will be able to move on. Her hands were shaking when she picked up the phone to make that call. She must have started to dial his number a hundred times before she finally finished it. To her surprise he didn’t slam the phone down as she had expected he would…

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Part 05